How to Be More Likeable - Must Have Communication & Connection Strategies
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Have you ever wondered why some people are just like magnets and everyone just wants to be around them?
Would you also like to learn the secrets to being more likeable?
As a leader, a speaker and as a high performer, one of your cornerstones for success and fulfilment is to be more likeable, to inspire others to want to be around you, want to learn from you, or even want to buy from you.
When people are inspired by you, are drawn to you, feel safe around you and genuinely enjoy being around you, you gain opportunities for deeper connection and have more of a positive influence on others.
This doesn't mean, of course, that you should obsess with being liked by everyone, or that you should give your self-worth and power away to other people. However, it does mean that you get to enjoy life a whole lot more personally and professionally.
The truth is, deep down, we all want to be someone that people like to be around.
So, how can you be more likeable in everyday life and business?
I invite you to read this blog article for my Top Three Pro Tips on how to be more likeable and read through the end for my Golden Strategy.
PRO TIP #1
Holding space is when you allow yourself to be - silent. Holding space is when you look into the direction of the other person and let them know that you're fully present with them and fully there for them as they share or as they sit silently feeling what they're feeling.
Holding space is one of your superpowers as a speaker, leader, and high performer. Holding space is where people feel like you fully see them, you are fully there for them, and you're fully able to listen to them. Being able to hear people out, being able to really hear them so they feel like they are being acknowledged, is one of the most incredible experiences for a human being.
When we feel safe, when we feel heard, we are going to instantly like the other person a lot more. So for you to be more likeable, it's important to not only have interesting and inspiring things to say, but to genuinely be able to be quiet, hold space, and hear other people out.
So next time your friend is going through something emotional, next time a colleague is opening up to you, next time one of your clients, one of your prospect clients or one of the attendees at your event are beginning to open up, I don't want you to make an instant comment or to make it about you. I don't want you to instantly give feedback or give advice straight away. Just hold space. Hear them out. Validate them. Be present. Ensure them that you're fully, truly listening to them.
Furthermore, if someone is feeling an emotion, don't try to change their emotion. Sit with them as they feel their emotion. If someone feels emotionally safe around you, chances are they're going to like you a lot more. So Pro Tip number 1 is tap into your superpower of holding space.
PRO TIP #2
Compliment & Validate
Give compliments and validate others whenever you can. You may have heard this before, and that’s because it is important. When you compliment other people, when they feel more accepted and liked by you, they are going to like you more in return. Praising, complimenting, and validating others is honestly one of the most important things you can do as a human being.
Truly complimenting is not just a surface level recognition either, such as mentioning their clothes, something they're wearing, or how they have their hair styled, it is when you compliment their character, inner qualities, and personality. If they're sharing something vulnerable, validate and compliment that they are leaning into courage, for example. Compliment and validate that they're leaning into an internal characteristic, quality, or personality trait. Tell them you think they're very intelligent, or that you're really inspired by their personal story.
Go deeper than the surface level compliments where you can, and you will realize you're going to be a lot more likeable by other people. People are going to feel like you like them, like you accept them. They're going to feel good around you, and when other people feel good and safe around you, well, they're going to want to keep coming back for more whether it's in life or business.
So make sure that you compliment, you validate, and you allow other people to feel like they are special. That is one of your other superpowers.
PRO TIP #3
Curiosity is one of the qualities that we are born with. When we come out of our mother's womb, we're looking around, we're curious, we want to learn, we want to soak in all the information around us. Then, somewhere along the line as we grow up, we get this thing called 'Terminal Seriousness' where we begin to shut down, shut off, and we don't always activate full genuine, playful and present curiosity.
So for people to like you more, you need to like other people more; you need to be more curious about them. Literally lean in when they're speaking to you. Ask them follow up questions, not robotically because it's the right thing to do (because they'll feel that), but ask questions because you're genuinely curious.
Open your eyes and make facial expressions that show that you're really interested as they're sharing their story. Make sure that you are once again holding space for them, validating and complimenting them, and then be curious enough to learn more.
Ask more questions and really hear them out. If someone is sharing about their holiday, ask them what their favourite thing about the holiday was. What did they love the most? Ask them questions that are deeper and not just surface level. What did they learn about themselves during that holiday? How special was it for them? How was it compared to previous holidays?
If you ask deeper questions, people will begin to allow their true colours to be seen. When people feel they can be open with you, they're generally going to like you more as well.
Being curious is making sure that you learn people's name quickly as well, even if it's the person you haven't really spoken to much at work. Learn their name and say hi to them as you walk past their desk. Just learning someone's name and recognising their existence is being able to acknowledge that they are someone who has an identity that you value, and this makes you instantly more likeable.
So, be curious enough to learn their names. Ask more questions. Lean in. Show that you are genuinely interested. Keep eye contact. Be curious, and people are going to like you a lot more.
Golden Bonus Strategy
Emotionality vs Logic
Often, people just want to be heard on an emotional level, not responded to on a logical level.
For example, if someone is opening up to you about work, and that they feel like they never get enough done and that their work colleagues don't seem to appreciate them, don’t go straight in with advice. For example, don’t say "It sounds like you have a bit of a time management issue here. You know, I had a bit of a time management issue when I started my first job, here are my tips on how to have time management." This is basically hitting a person in the face with unwanted advice.
When people are opening up to you about a challenge, they don't necessarily need advice instantly. Our better B scenario would be saying something like, "It sounds as though you feeling like you're not being appreciated at work. That sounds really tough. Tell me more." With this alternative response, you are able to get onto their emotional level and validate that what they're feeling is okay to feel. When you validate a person’s emotion, they're going to feel a lot safer around you. Plus, if they want your advice, they'll ask.
So, instead of going into instant logic, fixer, and helper mode, go into the emotionality lens of validating their emotion, holding space for their emotion, being able to be curious about their emotion that they're feeling, and allow them to feel safe around you emotionally. If you do that, they're going to feel a lot more open to be around you. They will be a lot more inspired to be close to you, whether that's in life or business.
So, make sure you lean into emotionality versus logic more often.
Woohoo! I trust that this blog article has added value to you. Make sure that you like and comment below if you resonate or have any questions, and share this article with anyone you feel is going to benefit from this.
As always, if there are any topics or any other challenges I can support you with, simply message me at www.jodydontje.com/connect. I'd be happy to support you.
I'm here to serve.
Remember, every day you have a choice:
You can choose to be ordinary, or as Denise Burchard explains “YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE EXTRAORDINARY”.
So, go out there and choose to be EXTRAORDINARY.
Be Brave. Be Vulnerable. Be Kind.
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